By Hazel Holland
For the next several years after the early morning visitation I avidly pursued reading everything I could get my hands on that had to do with the subject of restoration and forgiveness. I desperately wanted to know how I could receive more of God’s love in my life so that I could more effectively share it with others.
The summer of 1994 became another turning point in my life. Although I was rejoicing in the assurance of salvation, I still suffered at times from haunting recollections of early childhood traumas. Although I had worked the twelve-step program for codependants for a number of years, I still didn’t know how to fully trust God with my longings for intimacy and love. Although I admitted that I was powerless to control my own life and needed to depend on God, I still tried to take care of these feelings myself at times by denying that I was “hungry.” My top priority in life continued to be, “I will not hurt now or ever again!” I realized that as I looked back on my life my determination and strength lay in my “hiding” and not in my “resting” in the Lord.
Believing that God could totally heal me from my past emotional wounding, I went forward for prayer when the invitation was given at a mid-week prayer service at the Anaheim Vineyard. Four beautiful Christians whom I did not know laid hands on me and prayed earnestly for the healing of my childhood memories.
Healing came in a manner that totally overwhelmed me. I physically felt waves of Spirit power flow through my body. Robbed of my strength, I lay on the floor for an hour, powerless, but filled with wonder and joy, while the Lord performed a miracle of transformation in my mind and body. In that short period of time the Holy Spirit reached down inside of me, healed the core of my childhood pain, delivered me from my adult addictions, and restored me to wholeness in Him. I discovered that I was freed to live life with a new focus.
As the months went by I found myself being confronted with situations in night dreams with more people whom I needed to forgive. As I would speak forgiveness over people whom I knew wanted to harm me in these dreams, I would instantly become free from fear, and the people in my dreams would turn away from their original intentions to hurt me. God was teaching me through these dreams that living a life of forgiveness was the only way to live free from fear.
So forgiveness for me became an on-going choice—a daily lifestyle. I found that as I chose to live this way I wanted to spend more time in God’s presence, worshiping Him, sensing His nearness, and listening to His voice. Gradually I began to hear the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart in ways I had not known before. Scripture tells us that He calls His sheep by name, and they know His voice and follow Him (John 10:3-5). I began to hear His voice like that. Intimately! Personally! And I began to trust that love…
He has proved Himself faithful time and time again over the last fourteen years since that evening when he laid me out in His presence, and miraculously began to heal my childhood trauma. He continues to remove the veils, and heal the wounding that has prevented me from being all that God originally designed for me to be in Him. He will do no less for you as you open up your heart to His Spirit, and let the relentless pursuer catch you in His embrace.
An Early Morning Visitation
For the next several years after the early morning visitation I avidly pursued reading everything I could get my hands on that had to do with the subject of restoration and forgiveness. I desperately wanted to know how I could receive more of God’s love in my life so that I could more effectively share it with others.
The summer of 1994 became another turning point in my life. Although I was rejoicing in the assurance of salvation, I still suffered at times from haunting recollections of early childhood traumas. Although I had worked the twelve-step program for codependants for a number of years, I still didn’t know how to fully trust God with my longings for intimacy and love. Although I admitted that I was powerless to control my own life and needed to depend on God, I still tried to take care of these feelings myself at times by denying that I was “hungry.” My top priority in life continued to be, “I will not hurt now or ever again!” I realized that as I looked back on my life my determination and strength lay in my “hiding” and not in my “resting” in the Lord.
Believing that God could totally heal me from my past emotional wounding, I went forward for prayer when the invitation was given at a mid-week prayer service at the Anaheim Vineyard. Four beautiful Christians whom I did not know laid hands on me and prayed earnestly for the healing of my childhood memories.
Healing came in a manner that totally overwhelmed me. I physically felt waves of Spirit power flow through my body. Robbed of my strength, I lay on the floor for an hour, powerless, but filled with wonder and joy, while the Lord performed a miracle of transformation in my mind and body. In that short period of time the Holy Spirit reached down inside of me, healed the core of my childhood pain, delivered me from my adult addictions, and restored me to wholeness in Him. I discovered that I was freed to live life with a new focus.
As the months went by I found myself being confronted with situations in night dreams with more people whom I needed to forgive. As I would speak forgiveness over people whom I knew wanted to harm me in these dreams, I would instantly become free from fear, and the people in my dreams would turn away from their original intentions to hurt me. God was teaching me through these dreams that living a life of forgiveness was the only way to live free from fear.
So forgiveness for me became an on-going choice—a daily lifestyle. I found that as I chose to live this way I wanted to spend more time in God’s presence, worshiping Him, sensing His nearness, and listening to His voice. Gradually I began to hear the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart in ways I had not known before. Scripture tells us that He calls His sheep by name, and they know His voice and follow Him (John 10:3-5). I began to hear His voice like that. Intimately! Personally! And I began to trust that love…
He has proved Himself faithful time and time again over the last fourteen years since that evening when he laid me out in His presence, and miraculously began to heal my childhood trauma. He continues to remove the veils, and heal the wounding that has prevented me from being all that God originally designed for me to be in Him. He will do no less for you as you open up your heart to His Spirit, and let the relentless pursuer catch you in His embrace.
An Early Morning Visitation
